It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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