Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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