Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
