shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
