ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
