Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
