When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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