Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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