How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She bit a glass in half.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
