had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
