No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
