hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
