Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
