Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
