i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
