Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
