They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
