If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
