apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
