Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
