and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
