so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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