I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
