So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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