I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
