How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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