I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
