Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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