Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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