mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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