I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
