Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
