I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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