I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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