she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize