is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
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Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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