I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
