you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
