cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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