We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
