i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
