apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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