the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm both gender and math confused
He did a backflip because drugs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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