are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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