somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
