Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
too bad you live with your parents still
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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