i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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