Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
