i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
