I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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