My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
