I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
