I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
