nut hugger
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
