nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
