Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Damn victory sex feels great
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
