You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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