omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
