craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
