my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
