if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
