holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
