based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
