If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
