in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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