I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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