Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
