I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
