Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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